Funny search terms Jan.-Aug. 2014

I think I need to start doing semi-regular posts about search terms people use to find my site! Some of my favorites from August:

what mean henry with a man aint nothing but a man [it’s like poetry]
let s see paul allen s card [Wooo only the best scene in American Psycho!]
how can you live with yourself lucius gift [I assume that last person actually meant to type “gif” but I quite like the name “Lucius Gift.” I may have to use that one of these days.]

July:

gout funny quotes [Nothing funnier than gout, amirite?]
ivanhoe parody [THERE ARE SO MANY]
the art of governing a wife [Was this person actually searching for my post? Or do they…want to know about the art of governing a wife? Or what?]
voldemort slaps lucius [seriously, hilarious Harry Potter searches were always the best on my fanfiction site too. What is it about Harry Potter that makes for such amazing google searches?]
of course she is my favorite aunt she is freaking awesome [I don’t really want context honestly]
harlequin covers fabio [hard to see how my site could even have been in the first ten pages of results for this? how in depth was this person’s search?]

April:

heroine interview sex stories [what is this person looking for? is the heroine a reporter? is the sex story in the form of an interview?]
historical romance with blond hero [awww]

March:

tumblr logan echolls meta [why does it have to be on tumblr??]
roselerner penn badgley [this person legit appears to be looking for some post I made on tumblr about Penn Badgley!! I have never been so flattered!]
rebecca stronger than rowena [hey hey the ladies don’t have to be in competition]
when a husband would sell his wife would she wear a halter [!!!!!! WELL THERE’S A FAMOUS ROWLANDSON ILLUSTRATION BUT I DON’T THINK IT WAS A REQUIREMENT]

February:

roger moore cocktail glass [this search term describes my sexuality to a T]
philosemite creepy [you get me, googler]
corinthians/aliens [?]
which sonnet says my love is nothing like a rose [I’m impressed this person actually clicked through to something on my site because I assume they want “My mistress’s eyes are nothing like the sun” and it’s the first hit for this search]
a man aint nothing but a man mean [okay is this the same person months earlier, or is this a common concern?]

January:

holy roman emperor frederick 111 and gingerbread
romance novels giving women unrealistic expectations [FUCK YOU]
she trapped him under her skirt and smother him [???????]
death by hounds [!!!!!!!]

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